5 Ways To Porn-Proof Your Mind And Marriage

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When I was a kid, porn was coming of age. Our neighbor’s father had a subscription to Playboy magazine. The magazines were available any time at their home. I knew that looking at those pictures wasn’t in line with my faith and Christian living, but I found them very “interesting.”

CC Image courtesy of Federico Morando on Flickr

Over the last 6 months I have received three Facebook messages about friends marriages in crisis and near divorce. In 2 of the 3 cases, the cause is sexual infidelity. In one of those, pornography played a major part in the infidelity. I suspect the same might be the case in the other 2.

Another personal friend’s porn addiction led to looking at illegal materials that resulted in his arrest and charges that nearly landed him in prison.

Seems like pornography isn’t the victimless diversion some claim it is.

Perhaps you know someone caught in the trap of pornography. Perhaps you are one of those people. My heart goes out to all caught in the porn trap.

How have I escaped the trap of porn? In a nutshell, it’s God’s grace. In addition, there are also some practical things I’ve learned and practiced that have helped me porn-proof my mind and marriage.

So I’d like to share some ideas that have helped me porn-proof my mind and marriage:

01. Don’t Toy with Temptation

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22 ESV)

All pornographic habits and addictions begin with “innocent” dabbling in explicit materials.

It’s easier than ever to play with porn. You used to have to find a magazine somewhere or go somewhere public to acquire naughty photos. Now the material is available on ubiquitous electronic devices.

Recently I heard of an employee who was looking at explicit material in his cubicle on work time, using the company’s computer. He was observed by someone walking by, and warned once, but couldn’t stop. The second time he was terminated from his job. He was a part-time pastor on the side.

Everybody likes to think, “I would never do that.” But the fact is that we don’t know how low we might go until it is too late.

What does God say? He says to “flee.” Don’t toy with temptation; flee from it.

02. Start Your Day the Jesus Way

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.” (Mark 1:35 ESV)

How you start your day sets the tone. Jesus started His day in prayer. I suggest you do the same—spend time with God.

You might connect with God using my free eBook titled 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth.

Cleansing your mind at the start of the day will help you with the motivation to keep it cleansed for the rest of the day.

03. Don’t Believe the Lies

Jesus said to hypocritical religious leaders, “You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44 ESV)

The devil loves to whisper lies to deceive us and send us in the wrong direction.

Here are some of the lies he whispers about pornography:

“Nobody is looking, it’s your secret.”

The TRUTH is that God is always watching:

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13 NIV)

“You can enjoy this without being harmed.”

The TRUTH is that you are already harming yourself and your marriage when you are lusting:

“But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28 ESV)

“You can’t gain freedom over this porn problem, so you might as well give in.”

The TRUTH is that you CAN:

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV)

04. Get Lots of Healthy Home Cookin’

How might we avoid eating junk food? One remedy is to enjoy good stuff—lots of healthy home cookin’.

In a similar way, 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 actually commands husbands and wives, “Do not deprive each other.” The subject is sexual intimacy and the goal is to avoid temptation (see verse 5).

A healthy marital sex life can help us avoid unhealthy diversions.  

For single guys and gals, the Biblical admonition is similar: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:9 ESV)

For help creating a better marriage, check out my articles Five Keys to Stay Happily Married for 34 Years and Five MORE Keys to Stay Happily Married for 34 Years.

05. Find an Accountability Partner

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT)

Get help—an accountability partner, a Christian counselor, or a support group.

Not only can these hold us accountable, they can also give good advice, pray for us, point us to helpful resources and so on.

You can also find more help online:

• Internet accountability software

• 4 Steps to Overcoming Porn Addiction

• Helping Your Husband Battle Pornography

With God’s help and practical steps like these, you can porn-proof your mind and marriage.

Four Kinds Of People - Which One Are You?

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What will be your life legacy? How can you stay motivated to build a great legacy? One man used a large picture frame. The left side had a picture of the hospital where he was born and on the right side was a picture of the cemetery where he would be buried. In the center was a big question mark.

CC Image courtesy of Eric Danley on Flickr

The bookend photographs indicated his beginning and end. The center question mark was a reminder to fill the time in between with significance.

Are we filling the question mark of our time on earth with significance? I fear that many are not.

There are four kinds of people in the world. Most people probably fit into the first three categories. Which category do you fit into?

1. Survival Oriented

This kind of person wonders if they will ever make it, if they will survive, if they can keep the doors open.

Some are forced by circumstances to be survival oriented. But others are that way by choice.

They just want to “get by.”

People with a survival focus tend to be fearful, unwilling to advance and are unfulfilled.

2. Status Quo Oriented

These people are willing to just drift as effortlessly as possible through life. As long as they are comfortable, they don’t seem to care if they make a difference. They are more concerned about not rocking the boat by doing anything challenging.

They just want to “get along.”

This outlook is self-centered, bland and unsatisfying.

3. Success Oriented

These people focus on how big they can make themselves appear – with a grander house, more money, better vacations, a nicer car, bigger “toys” and so on. They strive to look like they’re doing well.

These people wonder, “How successful looking can I appear?”

They just want to “be noticed.”

This is a more positive outlook than the first two since it is not as fearful or closed. However, it is also self-focused and ultimately unrewarding.

4. Significance Oriented

This type of person wonders how they can make a difference that will last. They ask what difference their efforts will have fifty or a hundred years from now.

They want to “leave a legacy.”

Their focus is centered on others. This is a life lived on purpose.

Significance oriented people experience long-term satisfaction in life. Even when their personal life is difficult, they have an abiding sense of accomplishment knowing they have made a difference for others.

In The Greatest Generation, journalist Tom Brokaw wrote; “To make a buck is comparatively easy, the point is: to make a difference.”

This is the lifestyle of Jesus who said about Himself, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45 ESV)

Click here to learn how Jesus gave his life “as a ransom for many” and receive eternal salvation.

May you live a life of genuine significance and leave behind a wonderful legacy, especially for the ones you love the most.

How can you leave a great legacy? I give a ton of help in my eBook called Don’t Miss Your Life. You can get it for free when you sign up to receive my updates via email.

How To Get More Out Of A Church Service Even If You Don’t Enjoy Going

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Recently I spoke with a Christian who said he wanted to please God. But he has not been attending a church. That is a problem because it is not possible to please God without participating in a worship community (see Hebrews 10:25).

CC Image courtesy of Brendan Ross on Flickr

The church is so important that it is called His body while Christ is the head (see Colossians 1:18). Suggesting you can love the head (Christ) without loving the body (the church) is about as doable as pretending I can tell my wife I love her head but not her body. That wouldn’t go over too well!

But what if we just don’t seem to get a lot out of church and don’t enjoy it?

There are many reasons why this might be, including being part of a “dead” church and needing a change. But often the issue is not the church, it is us.

Tucked into the otherwise philosophical book of Ecclesiastes is a very practical section which gives some helpful suggestions about how we can get the most out of a worship gathering.

Here are the 4 points from Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 that tell us how to get more out of a church service:

Prepare in 4 Areas

“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.” (Ecclesiastes 5:1a)

To “guard your steps” means to be careful.

One thing we can do in this regard is to prepare carefully in the following 4 areas:

a. Prepare Mentally

• Commit to regular church attendance.

• Determine to enter God’s house with a respectful and cheerful attitude.

• Plan to participate and keep the focus on God.

b. Prepare Spiritually

• Prepare your heart by confessing your sins.

• Pray for the pastor and all participants.

• Develop a daily habit of worship and it will feel natural to worship with others during the service.

c. Prepare Physically

• Plan to go to bed at a decent time the night before so you go well rested.

• Get up in time to have breakfast and not rush.

• Plan your wardrobe the night before.

d. Prepare Relationally

Jesus said; “Therefore if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” (Matthew 5:23-24 NIV)

Make your relationships right before worship.Forgive others. (Matthew 6:15)

Listen Carefully on 2 Levels

“Go near to listen rather than offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong.” (Ecclesiastes 5:1b)

Listening is hard work. Many or most people would rather talk than listen. But it seems that God gave us two ears and only one mouth so we would listen twice as much as we speak.

“Go near to listen” means more than just listening to the speaker’s words. We must listen for God’s message inside the message—what is God saying to ME?

God gives anointed teachers to lead us in the study of His Word (Ephesians 4:11). But most importantly we must listen to His voice of conviction in our hearts.

I suggest you ask God specific questions about issues you are facing and listen for Him to answer. Then verify what you hear with the Bible and wise Christian counsel.

Make and Take Vows Seriously

“When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it.” (Ecclesiastes 5:4a)

The Bible indicates that we should make and keep commitments or vows. For example, vows of:

• Marriage

• Child Dedication

• Church Membership

• Giving

• Fulfilling Contracts

• Repaying Loans

• Changing Habits

“Do not delay in fulfilling it.” If you have made a vow, fulfill it as soon as possible. The longer you procrastinate the harder it will become to keep it.

Delayed obedience is disobedience.

Stand in Awe of God

“Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.” (Ecclesiastes 5:7)

Be careful of devaluing God as “the big guy upstairs.” A major reason we devalue church is because we devalue God.

When we have an appropriate view of God, we will be more inclined to truly worship Him.

God is:

• All powerful (Jeremiah 32:17)

• Present at all times (Jeremiah 23:23-24)

• All knowing (Psalm 147:4-5)

• Loving (1 John 4:8b)

• Merciful and forgiving (Psalm 145:8)

• Sovereign over all (1Timothy 6:15a)

• Holy and pure (Psalm 145:17)

• Eternal (Psalm 90:2)

• The Creator of everything (Genesis 1:1)

• The giver of everything that is good (James 1:17)

Many have never bowed down to God’s one and only Son, Jesus Christ. They may be worshipping other gods such as:

• Money

• Career

• Hobbies

• People

• Nature

• Self

But such idols are futile: “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.”  (Acts 4:12 KJV)

Click here to learn how to receive salvation through Christ.