How To Survive Rejection And Find Acceptance Today

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During high school I dated a girl who, along with her parents, decided I was not right for her. That rejection cut deeply.

CC Image courtesy of Linda Tanner on Flickr

In retrospect, that rejection was one of the best things that ever happened to me. God later gave me Carolyn to be my wife and spending life with her has been absolutely wonderful.

Garth Brooks sang about a similar experience in a song titled “Unanswered Prayers:”

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Unfortunately, it often takes years to see the good side of rejection. In the meantime, it can be devastating. And sometimes we never figure out the whys.

So how can we cope with rejection?

Here are four points to remember when you feel the pain of rejection:

Everyone Experiences Rejection–Even Jesus

Rejection is a fact of life—everyone faces it at times. And it can be one of the most hurtful emotional pains that human beings can inflict on each other.

There are many sources of rejection:

• Divorce, abuse or neglect by a family member

• A trusted friend betrays us

• Being cut from a team

• We are passed over for a job offer or promotion, or even fired

We should not be surprised when we suffer rejection. Both friends and enemies rejected Jesus, the sinless One. “He was despised and rejected by men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” (Isaiah 53:3)

As with Jesus, rejection often has nothing to do with our doing something wrong—it is due to circumstances and even jealousy over how well we have done.

We Can Deal with Rejection in Healthy Ways

It is important to deal with rejection by responding in a positive ways:

• Pray honestly and share your feelings with God. He knows them anyway, so just go ahead and talk with Him about them.

• Study the Bible and learn how Jesus, David, Joseph and others handled rejection

• Talk through your feelings with a trusted friend and be open to receive their input. Be careful however not to gossip.

• If you are a Christ-follower, remember that God has fully accepted you. Scripture says that God “… made us accepted in the beloved.” (Ephesians 1:6 KJV)

• Set a time limit to process grief and consider areas for improvement. At the end of that time set aside the episode by forgiving those who have rejected you. Note: this does not mean trusting someone who has proven untrustworthy, it only means forgiving.

God is in Control and Has a Plan

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Christians have the assurance that nothing happens merely by chance. The Heidelberg Catechism put it this way: “All things…come to us not by chance but by God’s hand.”

It is far easier to make sense out of rejection when we have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Invite Him into your life today if you have not yet done so.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)

You will Someday discover the Underlying Purpose for Your Rejection

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

God is in control and does not waste any pain. He uses rejection in all kinds of ways:

• Perhaps our rejection is meant to build our character.God might be directing us toward a new and better path.

• God might be correcting us.

• Rejection by some can open the door to acceptance by others who will be a greater blessing.

Joseph was rejected by his eleven brothers. They nearly murdered him. Instead they sold him into slavery. But God used that rejection to save many lives.

Years later Joseph summed up the situation to his brothers; “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” (Genesis 50:20 NLT)

Sometimes we learn the underlying reason for rejection in this lifetime. Other times we must wait for heaven to understand. But what we know is that God has a deeper purpose in our rejection that we can rest in whether we understand it or not.

How To Take Control Of Anger Before It Takes Control Of You

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Some time ago, I played volleyball with a group that included a father and his six-year-old son. The boy became angry because he wasn’t getting the ball and began to scream at his father. Soon the father had to hold up his hand to deflect the boy’s physical attack. The child eventually shouted, “I quit!” and ran away.

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But he soon returned riding a bicycle aimed at his dad. The father dodged the boy’s attempt to run him over and seemed to tolerate his son’s outburst as a normal and acceptable display of anger.

Was it?

One Christian writer stated “The giant step in overcoming anger is to face it squarely as sin in most cases.”

One person accepts anger as normal and acceptable, while the other views it as sin.

What do you think?

The Bible seems to warn us against anger, for example in Psalm 37:8: “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath.”

However, the “anger of the Lord” is mentioned many times throughout the Old Testament. And we know that the sinless Lord Jesus experienced anger when he drove out the moneychangers from the temple (see Matthew 21:12-13).

So it is sinful or OK?

The answer is that righteous indignation (like God’s) is acceptable, but selfish and unrestrained anger is harmful and sinful.

The problem is that most of our anger isn’t godly righteous indignation. It is simply our temper when we don’t get what we want when we want it.

What is the solution? With the Lord’s help and preparation we can learn to control this emotion and keep it from controlling us.

Here are some guidelines to help us control our anger so it doesn’t control us:

Ignore Petty Irritations

Some things are too small to bother with. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).

We must decide to let them slide.

A good rule of thumb is found in Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Let stuff go. However, if you are still upset by the end of the day, speak up and make an attempt to resolve it and forgive.

Always Think before Speaking

Take time to think and plan out your confrontation or conversation.

Use tact and speak to the person in private.

Refrain from saying accusatory “You” statements. Instead, start with an “I” message. For example:

“I have a problem, could you help me?”“I am having a hard time with….”

Stick to the Issue

Bring up one issue at a time and stick to the point.

Don’t get historical. 

We may have a list of wrongs but we actually delay resolving the matter if we deviate from the topic and bring up multiple issues.

Be Objective

Take a few deep breaths. Act cool even if you are hot. “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1a)

There is a place for emotion, but anger is rarely the place.

Staying calm helps us to be objective. Ask God to help you determine if there is something that you have done to contribute to the problem.

Make a Sandwich

Affirm positive areas first and last by “making a sandwich.”

For example:

First, a slice of bread that disarms with a sincere compliment; “I really appreciate….”Insert the meat of the discussion; “But there is something I would like your help with…”Then complete with another slice of bread; “There are so many things I am grateful for in our relationship…”

This sandwich approach helps create receptivity and finishes a difficult conversation with kindness and affirmation. It creates an atmosphere for a positive response.

Don’t Threaten

Spouses and family members must be careful about words like, “I give up,” “divorce,” “separate” and “leaving.” Threatening words like these can cause great damage to marriages and families. They should not be used except under extreme circumstances such as abuse or adultery.

When Red Hot, Delay

When you are red hot with anger, do like Thomas Jefferson suggested in his “Rules for Living:”

“When angry count to ten before you speak, if very angry, a hundred.”

Proverbs 14:29 says, “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays his folly.”

Do whatever it takes to help you maintain control over anger. Pray before you respond. Go for a walk. Count to a million!

Don’t Jump to Conclusions

“What a shame, yes, how stupid to decide before knowing the facts.” (Proverbs 18:3)

Make sure to have the correct facts. Searching out the details may prevent a confrontation or mistaken assumption.

Forgive

God calls us to forgive just as He forgave us. His forgiveness was so great that Jesus laid down His life for us. In dying on the cross He forgave every sin that we have ever committed, if we receive His forgiveness. See how to receive Christ’s forgiveness HERE.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)

God is able to forgive and heal you. He can help you to forgive others.

5 Simple Steps To Conquer Complaining And Find Happiness

A few years ago, Carolyn and I went on a one-day cruise to Ensenada, Mexico. As we were leaving the ship, we overheard a lady telling a staff member how much she enjoyed the trip. But just a moment later, a man began complaining to the same staff member about all the things he didn’t like about the cruise.

CC Image courtesy of andronicusmax on Flickr

I felt sorry for the person that the man directed his complaints toward, but I felt even more sorry for him. It was clear that he was difficult to please and an unhappy person.

What a contrast between those two individuals.

Philippians 2:14-15 says “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

The Bible is prohibiting everyday every day grumbling, griping and whining and not legitimate issues such as:

• Something in need of repair

• Correcting a child

• Speaking out against immorality

Here are 5 steps to take to stop complaining and find happiness:

1. Admit that You Have a Complaining Problem

Do you fall into one of the following categories?

• The Whiner – Complains about work, the weather, traffic, people, the government and on and on.

• The Gossip – Shares personal details of other people and talks behind their backs.

• The Cynic – Sees the glass half empty and is negative about most things.

• The Perfectionist – Nothing is ever good enough.

• The Quiet Complainer – Complaints are internal and unspoken. I tend to fall into this category.

2. Believe that You can Conquer Complaining

Making excuses as to why we are unable to stop complaining will only prolong the pain.

Instead we need to believe God can empower us through Jesus Christ to break the habit of complaining. “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

3. Concentrate on the Positive and Give Thanks

Concentrating on having a positive and grateful attitude can help us avoid complaining.

The Bible gives us examples for right thinking in Philippians 4:8b (TLB) “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about.”

God wants us to be happy and grateful. He instructs us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NLT) “No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

4. Decide to Think and Say Only Good Things

Christian author and speaker Zig Ziglar had been on an exhausting business trip and was eager to return home. He arrived at the airport only to find that his flight home had been delayed.

Instead of getting angry, he told the woman at the counter that he would happily make himself comfortable, get some work done and wait patiently. The girl remarked on his good mood that day. He replied that it was the result of a decision made years earlier to be in a good mood.

We can decide today to be in a good mood the next time:

• our plane is late

• our toilet overflows

• our computer is stolen (as mine was)our car breaks down

5. Evaluate yourself Regularly with the Help of Others

Winning the battle against complaining takes time, effort and prayer. It requires honest evaluation from others and ourselves.

Lamentations 3:40a says, “Let us examine our ways and test them.”

We can:

• read Scripture and allow it to convict us

• ask God if we have pleased Him and ask for His help

• ask a family member to evaluate us

• find an accountability partner

With the Lord’s help and consistent work we can stop complaining, smile more, increase our happiness and enjoy peace.