3 Valuable Tools To Resolve Conflict In A Hostile World

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As a new church planter, I was astounded that we faced serious conflict in the first two months. It wasn’t the heated boiling-over kind of conflict; it was more simmering and hidden, on the back-of-the-stove kind.

A mature leader and I went to the home of the family involved to discuss things, but when we rang the doorbell no one answered. We suspected they were home, but were avoiding us.

Unfortunately, I made lots of mistakes in that unhappy episode, and I have made many more since. But I’ve also learned a few helpful things from my own mistakes, from my training, and from mentoring by others.

Here are 3 valuable tools to resolve conflict in a hostile world:

01. Remember that Every Leader Faces Conflict

Even the godliest leaders of the Bible could not escape conflict.

Joseph offended his brothers so much they almost killed him and sold him into slavery.Moses fought with friends and foes alike.The Apostle Paul parted company with the gracious “son of encouragement” Barnabas.Jesus was the perfect leader, yet he was hated and crucified.

Conflict is normal; how we handle it is the key.

Conflict is normal; how we handle it is the key. | CLICK TO TWEET

Jack Walker, a seasoned Christian leader, counseled me about conflict in the workplace. He said, “Keep your expectations low and your hopes high.”

Do your best to solve conflict, but don’t think you can avoid it entirely. Don’t be discouraged, be encouraged that you have an opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes we develop the best relationships with those we disagree with most.

02. Humble Yourself

Jack also counseled that the problem is usually not aptitude but attitude – particularly pride and an unwillingness to humble ourselves.

He related a story about the well-known reference book, The Preacher’s Outline and Sermon Bible. It is a reference I absolutely love. Although over a million copies are in print, the author humbly insists on being completely anonymous. The author also refused an offer of a million dollars royalty for his work, believing God would rather have him serve with minimal compensation. What a great example of humility.

Scripture has much to say about humility and serving others, such as, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). “But whoever would be great among you must be slave of all” (Mark 10:43b, 44).

03. Speak the Truth…in Love

Walker emphasized that it is most important for the team to agree together to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).

It does no good to bottle unhappy situations, they eventually boil over. And when they do, there is often an explosion.

At the same time, we must choose words wisely. Ill-chosen words can make a difficult situation worse.

Proverbs 15:1 says,

“A soft answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger. “

Proverbs 16:24 (ESV) says,

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb,

sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

Using these 3 tools won’t end all your conflicts. But they can certainly help minimize the amount and severity. You CAN resolve conflict.

May this verse be true of you: “When a man’s ways please the Lord, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” (Proverbs 16:7 ESV)

My 100th Blog Article—Why Am I Blogging?

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In 2 years’ time, I have written and published 100 articles on this website. It’s celebration time—woo-hoo!

Developing my website and online ministry has been a major learning experience and a ton of work. But I don’t intend to quit for some very important reasons I’d like to share with you.

01. Here’s why I am doing this:

01. To glorify God by using my gifts.

Scripture is clear that we must use whatever gifts we are given to serve:  “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace” (1 Peter 4:10 ESV)

I was a communications and writing major in college. So far I have authored or co-authored 4 books and 2 eBooks. In addition, I have written materials that are being used to train thousands of church planting leaders through Dynamic Church Planting International where I serve as VP of Materials.

These avenues are awesome and I want to continue to increase the stewardship of my gifts through this website.

02. To help people grow spiritually.

My articles aren’t primarily for me, although I benefit from preparing them. They are for those who want to grow spiritually and read them. I am not just journaling—I am writing to bless others in the categories of spirituality, family, church planting, leadership, and apologetics.

The feedback I am getting clearly says that people are being helped a lot, praise God!

03. To get more spiritually uplifting material on the Internet.

There is so much that is trivial and even harmful on the Internet. Pornography is a major part of the Internet as well as lots of material that tears down Christ.

For example, my assistant Patty searched Ted Talks this week for Christian material and found 7 talks, 5 of which were actually anti-Christian! When God gives us a tool for communication such as the Internet, we must use it for His work instead of letting others dominate!

04. To Utilize the remarkable power of the WWW (World Wide Web).

We have an amazing tool that has never before been available:

a.  The WWW is worldwide—people have read my articles in over 100 countries!

b.  The WWW generally ignores borders of “restricted access” countries.

c.  The WWW provides free translation tools so people can have the materials in their own languages—languages I certainly can’t speak. It will offer more and more languages in the future.

d.  The WWW is infinitely reproducible and scalable. A single printed resource might get into the hands of 5 to 10 people, but a web-based resource has the potential to reach the millions who have access to the Internet. And the number of who can do so is growing by millions.

e.  The WWW is searchable—if people want to learn about a subject, they can find tools like mine that can help.

f.  The WWW can also include audio (which I am using) and video (which I am starting to use more).

g.  The WWW is free—at least what I have offered is without cost to anyone who has Internet access. This means that no matter how little or how much people have, they can partake. Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” (Luke 6:38 NIV)

02. Here are some reasons that are NOT why I am doing this:

01. To make a lot of money.

I’m certainly not against people earning money through the Internet—I’m actually for it. But it just doesn’t happen to be my objective, at least for now. As a pastor and missionary, my heart’s desire is to spread the Gospel. Carolyn and I are investing a significant amount of money on this website so that we can share biblical insights with others.

02. Ego and pride.

Some might wonder if I am doing this for vanity. I pray that is not the case for I am well aware that, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18 ESV)

For a great explanation why pastors should be on the Internet despite the potential of being accused of being ego driven, see this article: The Pastor and Social Media.

03. Because I don’t have enough to do.

That’s a funny thought. I have plenty to do, believe me. But I want to invest my time where I can make the greatest impact, and based on the reasons above, I believe this is one of them.

So now you know why I am doing this.

Those are my reasons. In addition, here are some quotes to consider about blogging:

“Simply put, digital social media is the single greatest tool available to leaders, for maximizing influence. Twenty-five years ago, if someone offered you a tool to effectively reach thousands of people, instantly, with text, audio and video, where recipients could provide you instant feedback, you’d be amazed. Yet this tool is available to you, for free, today.” Ben Lichtenwalner in an article Social Media: Vital Tool for Global Leaders

Al Mohler, president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, is an author, blogger, and podcaster. His book The Conviction to Lead: 25 Principles for Leadership That Matters, has two chapters (The Leader as Writer and The Digital Leader) that have greatly influenced me. Below are some quotes from these chapters.

On writing:

“In order to be understood, leaders must learn to write and to set time aside for writing.” “Most of the words we deploy in any given day can be forgotten almost instantly. But the words we want to last, to influence tomorrow and not just today, are words best committed to writing.” (Location 2062 on Kindle)

On the digital world:

“If the leader is not leading in the digital world, his leadership is, by definition, limited to those who also ignore or neglect that world. That population is shrinking every minute. The clock is ticking.” (Location 2139)

On blogging:

“The White House hosts a daily blog, as does just about every major institution in the nation. The blogosphere, as it is now called, offers history’s most cost-efficient way of communicating big ideas and solid content. If you are not writing a blog, you should be.” (Location 2181)

On social media:

“Social media will soon dominate all other forms of digital communication. That fact is reason enough for leaders to be engaged in social media.” (Location 2202)

How exciting To Introduce My Free eBook:

One of the things Christians seem to struggle most with is their prayer or devotional life. I know how that feels, as I struggled for many years to develop meaningful devotional time with my Lord. I often felt inept and sometimes wondered if I should call myself a Christian leader when my prayer times seemed so inadequate.

Over time I have discovered how to spend my prayer time with God and have seen powerful results.

My new eBook is about sharing with you what I have learned and how you can experience meaningful devotional times through prayers that see wonderful things happen.

I offer this 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth eBook as my gift to you—and as a bonus you will receive email updates about my other free resources online.

I offer this 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth eBook as my gift to you | CLICK TO TWEET

If you already have this eBook, why not share it with others: you can give them this link:

http://www.markalanwilliams.net/10Prayers

Why do I have the privilege and authority to share these 10 Prayers? Because God has blessed me as:

A man with a doctoral degree in ministry.Moody Bible Institute “Alumnus of the Year.”A pastor, a missionary and Christian leader for over 35 years.An author and administrator of resources that are used to train over 10,000 leaders a year (over 15,000 last year 2015) through Dynamic Church Planting International.A “chill dude” – according to my wife Carolyn.A “cool nerd” –  according to our boys. (hahaha)

Here’s what you can learn in my free eBook:

How to start your day on the right side of the bed every day—practices that put me in the right frame of mind from the get-go. (Recently one of our sons honored me by saying I am the most positive person he knows. Wow!)How to see extraordinary answers to prayers that you have not believed could be accomplished.What to do when your prayers aren’t answered quickly and you get discouraged.How to develop character that will shape you to be like Jesus and help you to “win friends and influence people” like He did.How to be sure that you are filled and walking in the Spirit.How to deal with your personal deficiencies and failures.How to pray prayers of protection for your family and other loved ones.

Admittedly, this is a lot to accomplish in a little eBook. But remember, it is not about the eBook—it is about God’s power through the 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth.

The booklet is not genius—God is!

But while God is all-powerful, all knowing and wants to do “far more than we could ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20), all this won’t happen without the prayers that unlock heaven on earth.

The Bible says, “You have not because you ask not” (James 4:3). But often we fail to ask because:

We don’t know how.We get discouraged.We feel intimidated.We pray the wrong prayers or in the wrong way.

I am certain my 32 page eBook can help you overcome these obstacles! Best of all, it’s free when you request my updates which include my weekly blogs of encouragement and guidance for your spiritual walk. Win! Win!

So what are you waiting for? There’s no cost and virtually nothing to lose.

You can unsubscribe at any time. But I don’t think you’ll want to…my prayer is that God will greatly bless you through the resources He has given me to share with you.