What I Learned From My Dad

Claude A. Williams Jr. had JOY, despite challenges.

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I’m sure that what I learned from my dad is far more than I realize. Although he went to be with the Lord in 2011, I spent my formative years with him and my mom. I’m sure that I’m a “chip off the old block” in dozens of ways: viewpoints, gestures, facial expressions, voice inflections and looks.

Dad, Claude A. Williams Jr., and me. Note his “trademark” pens in shirt pocket!

Of course, as a teen, being like my dad was unappealing. But with more maturity, I see many ways that I want to be like my dad, if I’m not already.

One of the ways is my dad’s joy in living, even when things seemed pretty bad to me.

While dad was dying, he was in the hospital for about a week and his pastor came and asked him how he was doing. Dad smiled and responded, “As I’ve often said, I’m doing better than I deserve.”

He was asked a few hours before he passed, “How are you doing dad?” His answer, “Wonderful.”

Question: How could he be doing that well? How could he have such joy?

Answer: He found joy in God’s way: J-O-Y

Here’s what I learned from my dad about how to have JOY:

1. J = Jesus Comes First

The best lesson I learned from my dad is that Jesus comes first.

When Jesus was asked “What is the greatest commandment” we read:

And he [Jesus] said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.’” (Matthew 22:37-38 ESV)

My father was never a paid clergyman or missionary like me, he was a businessman.

Dad’s family background included a mother who was a wonderful Christian and a dad who was sometimes a rascal.

But not my dad.

a. Dad Loved God “with all His Heart”

What is our heart? It’s the seat of one’s affection and will (devotion).[1]

If we love God with all our heart, then He is the most important thing to us. Other things in life have some importance, but He is NUMBER ONE.

You might ask: “How do I get that kind of love for God? It’s just not happening for me right now.”

The answer is: You spend time with God. You say, “He is my most important priority, therefore I will build my love for Him and build my relationship by spending significant time with Him.”

Question: Where can I get that time?

Answer: According to the A.C. Nielsen Co., the average American watches more than 4 hours of TV each day (or 28 hours/week, or 2 months of nonstop TV-watching per year). In a 65-year lifetime, that person will have spent 9 years glued to the tube.

Which people are you closest to? I’m sure you have spent significant time with whoever you are close to—that is the only way you get close to someone.

Likewise, we “love God with all our hearts” because we spend time with him in:

• Reading ScriptureMeditating on Scripture

• Listening to Scripture: Bible recordings, podcasts, Christian radio & TV

• Prayer

• Fellowshipping in church and Bible study groups

• Worshipping

• Mentoring relationships with other believers

b. Dad Loved God “with all His Soul”

“And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.’” (Matthew 22:37-38 ESV)

“Christ said we are to love God ‘with all our soul,’ that is, with all our life, our breath, our consciousness.[1]”

Like our saying, “he lives-and-breathes golf …or politics…or his job …or her grandchildren.” We should “live and breathe” God.

I learned from my dad how important the church is. Dad hated to miss church because he loved God and God’s family so much. When I was growing up, we were in church every time the doors were open. That meant:

• Sunday morning for worship service and Sunday School

• Sunday evening for Youth/Choir practice and Sunday evening worship service. (I never got to watch Lassie or the Wonderful World of Disney)

• Tuesday evening for AWANA club

• Wednesday evening for prayer meeting

PLUS

• Bible Conferences

• Vacation Bible School

• Christian summer camp

When dad was in his 20’s, he left a job because it conflicted with his Sunday morning worship attendance. You might think that is legalistic, but I think it really showed where his soul was.

In a biblical metaphor the church is “the body of Christ.” He is the head, we are the body, each a part of it. That is an almost unbelievable endorsement of the significance of the church.

Dad loved Jesus and He loved His body the church.

c. Dad Loved God “with all His Mind”

“The Mind” is the seat of reasoning and understanding.

Some think that becoming a follower of Christ means you throw away your brains! Quite the contrary, your mind is sharpened to understand not only the universe we live in, but the ways of God as well.

I learned from my dad to love the Bible. Dad studied the Bible avidly.

There was one possession that he had with him in his hospital death bed: his Bible. He literally died with the Bible on his lap.

No one is perfect, but overall dad was a great man. Why? Largely because he studied and followed God’s Word.

2. O = Others Come Second

“This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:38-40 ESV)

Stuff was not important to dad, and I learned from my dad that people are far more important.

When our three boys were young and rambunctious, I remember dad telling me once when we were going out to visit them in Ohio; “Don’t worry about the stuff in our house. The stuff is replaceable. But children are irreplaceable.” He really put us at ease and taught me a valuable lesson about “stuff” as compared to people.

He was right about it too. In his casket, he took only a few things:

• His Bible

• A pen in his pocket: his trademark

• An Ohio State Buckeyes cap, his hobby

Everything else is left behind and of course he did not really take any of those things, just as Steve Jobs who died also in 2011, took nothing.

a. Dad’s Family Love and Commitment

My dad’s commitment to and love for my mother Barbara was wonderful. They were married 45 years before mom died.

mom and dad, Claude & Barbara Williams

They had a ritual when he went off to work each day: she would go over to the kitchen window and as he was pulling out of the driveway, she would wave the white curtain in the kitchen window to say one last goodbye for the day.

When she died suddenly in 1995, he was devastated.

He eventually remarried to Millie who soon got Alzheimer’s disease. He remained steadfastly loyal and caring to her for 13 years until she died.

My dad had two wonderfully successful marriages, because he was willing to work to make his spouse happy instead of just wanting to be served and be made happy.

He was also dedicated to us children. One of my favorite memories with my parents was my re-baptism in the Jordan River. I was baptized by the associate pastor at our Baptist church. Thus I was baptized by John the Baptist in the Jordan River. Afterwards my father said, “This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”

Baptism in the Jordan River

b. Dad’s Friendship Love and Commitment

My friend Steve told me about his mother. He said that in her priorities, she was way on top, her children were a bit down and everyone else was “way down there.” He said she is not a happy person. God was not in the equation.

God designed us to need friendship. I learned from my dad to love others.

Dad had a favorite restaurant called “Smokey Bones.” He befriended a young waitress there and when we went to eat there and told her he passed away, she cried.

Dad had a heart for the downtrodden, those needing help. His renters were not a business as much as friends, a way to help and witnessing opportunities. This annoyed my mother and us children—it seemed he let people take advantage of him. But at its heart was a love for people and it is hard to fault that. Several of his tenants visited him in the hospital and attended his funeral.

Dad was always sharing his faith in Jesus and handing out Christian pamphlets to witness. We received this note after he passed away:

“My employer bought Claude’s insurance agency in 2003 and I had the pleasure of seeing Claude’s shining face every day for about 5 years. He helped me through many struggles in life but most of all he was there to help me through my salvation.”

3. Y = You Comes Last

I learned from my dad that you comes last.

Question: What does it mean to put “you” last?

Answer: First, let’s think about what it does NOT mean. It does not mean that you never think about your needs. Jesus said; “And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39 ESV)

Question: Do you see “you” in that statement?

Answer: I say yes, “you” is there, but it’s last and it is taken for granted that you will love yourself. In fact, our natural inclination is self-centered and self-seeking.

“You” naturally comes first! But to find joy, you must spell it right, JOY, with “you” last.

In fact, many people think that you spell JOY, YOJ:

• You

• Others second

• Jesus, in third place, if in there at all.

That spells YOJ, not JOY!

May God help us to learn what I learned from my dad, to find joy by putting our lives in JOY priority…

JesusOthersYou

Dad with 4 of us kids. I’m the one standing with hand on dad’s shoulder. Sitting are Cindy & Brian. Newborn is Jonathan.

Your thoughts are welcome! Please leave your comment below.

Help Spread the Word! If you found this article helpful, we’d love for you to share it with others on social media or otherwise. This will help get the Word in front of more people who need biblical guidance. Thanks for your help!

Additional resources about related subjects on this site:

• My Heroic Great Grandpa and the Pre-Titanic – Part 1

• Why I Burned My Sister at the Stake

• My WORST Christmas Ever

• 4 Simple Yet Powerful Ways to Protect Your Marriage

• Five Keys to Stay Happily Married for 34 Years

• I Was a Perfect Parent…Then I Had Kids

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[1] Preacher’s Outline and Sermon Bible – Commentary.

How Can And Should A Christian Apologize?

It’s hard for many to do, and even harder to do well.

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I hate to mess up! Even worse, I hate to apologize. Am I unusual? I don’t think so. I recently asked a group of Christians how many believe an apology is the mark of a good Christian and a good leader. They were in almost unanimous agreement that it is.

Dale Carnegie wrote in his fabulous bestseller How to Win Friends and Influence People: “When we are wrong—and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves—let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. It is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend one’s self.”[1]

To apologize is not a sign of weakness, bad character or bad leadership. It’s a sign of strength, good character and good leadership.

But how should we apologize? You can probably think of examples of poorly done apologies. Here’s how to do it right.

Here are seven steps to apologize, from a biblical Christian viewpoint:

1. State your wrong behavior and call it what it is.

Our inclination is to “cover-up” our wrongdoing. Many apologies never come until someone is caught red-handed. Then when caught, we often want to whitewash what we’ve done or even lie to deny it.

Or, rather than admit it, we wait and force the other party to point out our error.

So, the first step of a Christian apology is to come right out and voluntarily state what you’ve done:

I liedI stoleI cheatedI was lazyI shouldn’t have said…

King David learned that covering up causes internal angst and emotional exhaustion. He wrote: “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.” (Psalm 32:3-4 NIV)

So as painful as it is, let’s come right out and admit it.

2. Take responsibility.

When we admit a wrong, we often try to ease our pain by deflecting responsibility and our confession is followed by a “but” or “however.” Those words are usually an attempt to shift blame and deflect guilt.

I once hiked up a mountain to a cross and the trail crossed some private property. I recorded this video close by. The owner didn’t like it and confronted me. I said, “But my friend who lives nearby told me it was OK.” That didn’t help. He soon threatened to get his gun out the next time someone trespassed!

God says, “If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8 ESV)

Through bad experiences I’ve learned that it is far better to own up to my mistakes:

• I’ve messed up

• I blew it

• I’m guilty

• I sinned

• It’s my fault

• I take responsibility

Respect diminishes when we blame-shift, trying to justify or excuse our mistakes and bad behavior.

Respect begins to return when we take responsibility for our actions.

3. Apologize for the pain that you’ve inflicted and express remorse.

Romans 14:19 says, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.” (ESV)

Giving and receiving an apology is key to fulfilling the goal of peace and mutual upbuilding.

We can say:

I deeply regret the pain this has caused you.I’m so sorry for the embarrassment I have brought to our company.I apologize for what I have done and how it caused so much difficulty.I know my wrongdoing has been hurtful to you and I am so sorry.

Warning: There are times when your apology might be met with bitterness, distrust or disdain. That’s OK—do the right thing anyway. The Bible tells us “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” (Romans 12:18 ESV) The implication of this verse is to do the right thing, no matter how your apology is met.

4. Explain what you’re going to do to correct the wrong behavior so it won’t continue.

An apology is hollow if it doesn’t include any intention to change the wrong behavior. If someone hurts us, apologizes and then turns right around and does the same thing again, we know their apology was fake.

In the Bible, to “repent” means a change of mind. It means a turning from wrong to do right.

Ezekiel 18:30b says, “Repent, and turn from your sins. Don’t let them destroy you!” (NLT)

That is what God desires and we all desire when we’ve been wronged.

For example, if a spouse has been unfaithful, they need to plan steps to insure the behavior will not occur again. Steps such as:

• Biblical counseling

• An accountability group

• Marriage counseling

• Cut off contact with the other party in the acts of unfaithfulness

• Removing access to pornography if an issue

5. Ask for forgiveness.

After the four steps above, we have established a basis on which to request the favor of an expression of forgiveness.

The value of asking and receiving forgiveness is the potential of a restored relationship.

After Jacob stole his brother Esau’s birthright, they didn’t see each other for nearly 20 years. When they finally met, Jacob was deeply fearful of his brother’s potential desire for revenge.

But it didn’t happen. Instead, we read this touching description: “He himself [Jacob] went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother. But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.” (Genesis 33:3-4 ESV)

Bowing seven times, in that culture and circumstance, was a wonderful way to apologize. And Esau accepted his apology.

In contemporary culture, we might say:

• I know I don’t deserve it, but would you please forgive me?

• I’m so sorry, would you please accept my apology?

• I deeply regret what I have done. Could you ever forgive me?

6. Accept whatever response you receive.

As Christians, we are commanded to forgive. (See my article Forgiving is So Important It’s Scary!)

However, we cannot force anyone to forgive us. Sometimes our victims are not ready to express forgiveness (even though it would be the healthiest thing for them to do). Wounds might be too deep, more proof of remorse might be needed, and more evidence of change might need to be given.

Thus, we are delighted when our forgiveness is accepted, but we accept whatever response is given.

Forgiveness cannot be demanded.

If the offended is unable to give or express forgiveness, give them more time and do more restorative work to rebuild the relationship—such as in the next step.

7. Make amends or restitution whenever possible.

Restitution is a biblical concept seen both in the Old and New Testaments. It means the return of something to its rightful owner, and recompense for injury or loss.

In Luke 19, when the tax collector Zacchaeus began to follow Jesus, we read:

“And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, ‘Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Today salvation has come to this house.’” (Luke 19:8-9a ESV)

Note that his restitution didn’t cause his salvation, but was a sign of true repentance. In a similar way, we can demonstrate true remorse by making amends as best we can.

How?

• Return what you stole.

• Correct false statements (with whoever might have heard them).

• Give a gift.

• Take to lunch or dinner.

• Do a favor.

In summary, these seven steps will ensure that you have done everything you can to right a wrong and as a result mend an injured relationship. To apologize, and do it the right way, is the sign of a great person, a great leader, a great family member and a wonderful friend.

Your thoughts are welcome! Please leave your comment below.

Help Spread the Word! If you found this article helpful, we’d love for you to share it with others on social media or otherwise. This will help get the Word in front of more people who need biblical guidance. Thanks for your help!

Additional resources about related subjects on this site:

• What is True Forgiveness?

• Forgiving is So Important It’s Scary

• How to Handle Guilt and Stop Holding a Grudge Against Yourself

• Why I Burned My Sister at the Stake

• Who Needs Jesus, I’m a Good Person

• 3 Acceptable Sins You Can Enjoy Today…or NOT!

[1]Quoted in Good Guilt, Bad Guilt by Becca Cowan Johnson, IVP, 1996, p. 139.

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3 Reasons Why People Misunderstand Christmas

Let’s get Christmas right this year!

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So many people misunderstand Christmas. In much of the world it is the most celebrated holiday of the year. Yet people get it wrong. For many, things get way out of focus!

So, I’d like to dispel some of the misconceptions in this article. Let’s get it right this year.

Here are 3 reasons why people misunderstand Christmas:

1. They think Christmas is about family.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much a family man. Carolyn and I were married in 1979 and have 3 boys. Family times are extremely important to us. We spend holidays like Christmas with family.

But Christmas is so much more than family. The name itself points to the real meaning: CHRISTmas.

Our family is at a time where we have lost many family members due to old age and other tragedies. But through Christ, we become part of a forever family that never ends.

We become children of God through faith in Christ: “He came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.” (John 1:11-13 KJV)

We should enjoy our earthly family while not forgetting that Jesus Christ provides a forever family that we’ll never lose. That’s a big part of the real meaning of Christmas.

2. They think Christmas is about culture.

To be sure, Christmas is a very cultural holiday in much of the world. People misunderstand Christmas because it has become so very cultural!

In the USA, most every business closes to celebrate Christmas. I have a Jewish friend who muses that the only places open on Christmas are the Chinese restaurants. So, that’s where you find all the Asian and Jewish people on Christmas.

Of course, Christmas shopping is huge for businesses in our culture.

But while Christmas is cultural, Christmas is still about the babe who was born on Christmas. It’s a birthday celebration. And why is it such a big one? Because of who Jesus is:

“Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.

Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:6-8 NLT)

A short essay titled “One Solitary Life” summarizes the amazing nature of Christ and says in part:

Here is a man who was born in an obscure village, the child of a peasant woman. He grew up in another village. He worked in a carpenter shop until He was thirty. Then for three years He was an itinerant preacher.

I am far within the mark when I say that all the armies that ever marched, all the navies that were ever built; all the parliaments that ever sat and all the kings that ever reigned, put together, have not affected the life of man upon this earth as powerfully as has that one solitary life.

3. They think Christmas is about giving.

A final reason people misunderstand Christmas is because of the emphasis on giving gifts. If you want to read a story of my own selfishness about presents, click this link and read about “My WORST Christmas Ever.”

Giving and receiving Christmas gifts is fine, I’m all for it. But let’s remember that the reason we give gifts is because of the Greatest Gift ever given: salvation!

We give because Jesus gave Himself: “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.” (John 3:16)

Please don’t miss the true meaning of Christmas. Receive the gift of eternal life that Jesus is offering to you! To learn how to receive it, click HERE.

Additional resources about Christmas on this site:

• My WORST Christmas Ever

• What If Jesus Had Never Been Born?

• Four Powerful Proofs that Jesus Lives

• A Christmas Present Wrapped in Rags

• Podcast: Was the Virgin Mary the Ark of the New Covenant?

• Podcast: What is the virgin birth?

• Vlog (video with Mark & Carolyn 2015): Christmas Greeting

NOTE: Facebook is random. Email is reliable. Subscribe via email and you won’t miss any of my articles, podcasts or videos. You’ll also get my eBook: 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth