My WORST Christmas Ever

I must have been about 10 years old when I decided I needed and deserved an electric race car set for Christmas.

Mom and us 5 kids, me on the right, 1966

Our neighbors Craig and Wally always seemed to get more and better stuff than we did. This year I was not to be denied.

I informed mom of what I wanted. So when Christmas came and the race car set was not under the tree, I was sour. My Christmas spirit was hampered by my dissatisfaction about not getting what I wanted.

So I reminded my mother that I had asked for that race car set and communicated I was not at all happy that it had not been under the tree. I implored her to get one for me as soon as possible and I let her know that I was not going to be happy until she complied.

Now my mother was no pushover. She was a strong-willed woman raising five spirited children. We knew she loved us, but that did not typically mean that we would get our way whenever we demanded. But for some reason in this case, she relented. A few days after Christmas she took me to the store and bought me a race car set.

The problem was, acquiring that race car set didn’t bring the joy and fulfillment that I had anticipated. In fact, I soon began to feel guilty that I had been a brat about the whole thing and gave my loving mother a hard time. I played with the race cars some, but they were never all I thought they would be.

Now, nearly fifty years later I look back with embarrassment at my ten-year-old brattish unpleasantness. How immature to demand my own way. How foolish to think that a toy was so important in the first place

The good news is that I began to learn an important lesson: stuff does not fulfill us.

For that matter, neither does accomplishment, acquisition, fame, power or any of the other things that are supposed to bring fulfillment.

The author of Ecclesiastes (probably Solomon) found this out. After becoming one of the richest, most powerful, most sexually unrestrained men who ever lived, he concluded, “Vanity, vanity, all is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:2b).

I’m grateful that I began to learn this lesson at the early age of 10. In fact, maybe my worstChristmas ever was my best Christmas learning experience: It is not the stuff of Christmas that satisfies. It is loving the Christ of Christmas and loving others which truly satisfy.

Hummmm, maybe mom conceded to my demand in order to teach me a wonderful lesson?

How NOT To Handle The Death Of A Loved One And Other Losses

This weekend I led a memorial service for my remarkable friend Gary Taylor.

Just a few weeks ago a large group of Gary’s church friends called him while he was in the hospital close to death. He had no idea that we would be calling, but when the operator put us through he answered cheerily, “It’s your lucky day, this is Gary Taylor.” When about 80 people laughed and yelled, “Hi Gary, we love you” he asked, “Who is this, the angels?”

As Gary shared about his condition and faith, most of us were close to tears, but Gary was joy-filled. It didn’t matter that he knew he would not be on this earth for long; Gary was handling cancer and death with incredible courage and grace.

It is hard for me to imagine myself in his situation being so accepting and happy. In fact, I’ve learned through mistakes what NOT to do when facing the death of a loved one and other major losses:

ONE: Don’t Think You’ll Never Recover

Major loss such as the death of a loved one often leads to depression. Depression makes us feel like things will never get better and that we will never be happy again.

A few years ago Carolyn and I were battered by several major losses at once. Her sister died from cancer, we had major financial reversal, my step-mother had severe Alzheimer’s, and other problems.

For a while I wondered how I could ever recover happiness. But over time the darkness lifted.

We would do well to remind ourselves that in time our grief will lessen, despair will lighten, and joy can return.

TWO: Don’t Blame God

Some people figure that since God is all-powerful and could have changed things, all problems are His fault. So they blame God and reject His love.

That is akin to a five year old running away from home because his parents won’t let him watch TV all night and eat 15 candy bars a day. He just cannot understand why his parents don’t provide what makes him happiest.

His problem is a limited perspective. Likewise we have a limited perspective compared to our almighty, all-knowing, all-wise and infinite Heavenly Father.

Why did God not step in and stop my 20 year old nephew Beau from going too fast on his motorcycle, or cause him to miss hitting the tree that killed him? He certainly could have.

I don’t know why, but I do know that “why didn’t” and “what if” questions are futile. The most productive response is to accept God’s love rather than reject Him because He didn’t do what I want.

THREE: Don’t Think There is No Answer

We live in a world wracked with pain, disease, death, war, abuse, cruelty, and terrible sorrow. The Bible describes this as a “fallen” world because it is not God’s original design—suffering came when sin entered the world (see Genesis 3).

Unfortunately, some think there is no solution and no better future.

But the Bible says God hates suffering even more than you or I do—so much so that he sent the Solution, His Son Jesus Christ.

Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25).

To “believe” in Him means, 1) To accept that He died to pay for your sins and then rose again to life. And 2) To confess Him as the Lord of your life (see Romans 10:9).

If you do this then you can live with the promise that your future in heaven is something to be eagerly anticipated, as Gary did!

For more help, see my articles on:

• How to Handle the Death of a Loved One

• Four Steps to Climb Out of a Pit of Depression

• How to Grow Through a Season of Loss 

• How to Overcome the Agony of Discouragement and Find Hope Again

How To Handle The Death Of A Loved One And Other Losses

As I write this I’m on a plane headed home from Ohio after attending the memorial service of my twenty year old nephew Beau Williams. He died suddenly in a motorcycle accident.

Only two years ago I attended the memorial service of my father in the same church. I think I’ve had enough memorial services, thank you. But the truth is, the longer I live the more memorials I will attend. The final one I “attend” will be my own.

I’ve lost my parents, aunts, uncles, and many friends. Some have been young, and some old. For some death came suddenly and for some it was agonizingly long.

Furthermore, there are other losses I have had to deal with, as everyone does, such as the death of dreams, relationships, goals, health, youthfulness, finances and other losses.

How can we survive and even thrive in the midst of these difficult losses?

Frankly, I haven’t always been great at handling losses. But I have learned some valuable lessons that I would like to pass on in hopes that it might help others. Perhaps even you.

Here are my thoughts on how to face the death of a loved one and other major losses:

ONE: Allow Grief to Take Its Course, But Don’t Nurse It

Grief is normal and healthy. Even Jesus cried at the death of a loved one. “Jesus wept” (John 11:35) is the shortest verse in the Bible, but it carries a profound message: weeping and sorrow are normal and godly.

But Scripture also says that there is a time, “for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing” (Ecclesiastes 3:4 CEV).

Determine not to let sorrow consume you. As much as possible, and interspersed with crying and weeping, begin to laugh and dance.

TWO: Be Grateful for Everything You Can Think Of

Scripture says, “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18 KJV). Notice it doesn’t say “for” everything but “in” everything.

Why would God’s Word say this? I think it is because gratitude is so profoundly helpful to our mental health. When we nurture an attitude of gratitude it lifts us above our circumstances and puts our minds in a much better place.

Thanksgiving is a tranquilizer for our turmoil. It provides a “natural high” when life gets us down.

I like to write down what I am thankful for as I begin each day. Over the years my list has now grown to almost 20,000 items; some large and some small, some listed only once and some repeated. This exercise is immensely helpful in setting my heart in the right direction each day.

THREE: Accept That God is in Control

Healing comes with acceptance. Acceptance comes when we trust that things don’t happen merely as a result of chance, but of Providence.

When I called my brother Brian just hours after the death of his son Beau, he paraphrased Psalm 139:16 and said, “God knows the number of our days.” Why did this help him and his family so much? Because rather than feeling like the death of his beloved son was merely a horrific tragedy, Brian and his family were trusting in God’s larger purpose and good.

Scripture promises that “all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:28). That means that even things we cannot fathom as being good will work out for good.

It seems to me that not believing this means believing only in chance and therefore meaninglessness, hopelessness and futility.

I don’t believe this because it is helpful, but because it is God’s Word. 

While this promise is extremely burden bearing, it is not for everyone. It concludes, “…to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” In other words, it is for God’s people—those who trust in Jesus Christ. Have you trusted Him? If not, please go here for help.

For more help, see my articles on:

• How NOT to Handle the Death of a Loved One

• Four Steps to Climb Out of a Pit of Depression

• How to Grow Through a Season of Loss 

• How to Overcome the Agony of Discouragement and Find Hope Again