4 Characteristics In The Attitude Of A Winner, Part 1

The first two characteristics

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When Victor Serebriakoff was fifteen, his teachers told him he would never finish school. They said that he should drop out and learn a trade. Victor took the advice and for the next 17 years he was an itinerant doing a variety of odd jobs. He had been told he was a ‘dunce’ and for 17 years he acted like one. He was far from having the attitude of a winner.

When he was 32 years old, an amazing transformation took place. An evaluation revealed that he was a genius with an I.Q. of 161. Guess what? That’s right; he started acting like a genius.

Since that time, Victor has written books, secured a number of patents and has become a successful businessman. Perhaps the most significant event for the former dropout was his election as chairman of the International Mensa Society. The Mensa Society has only one membership qualification: an I.Q. of at least 140.[1]

What turned a dunce into a successful businessman, author and inventor? The difference for Victor was not in his abilities; it was in his attitude! He was no smarter than before, but his attitude changed, and when it did, his whole life changed.

Philippians 4:13 says “I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” (NLT)

From that verse, let’s consider 4 aspects of the attitude of a winner:

1. An “I Can Do” It Attitude

Philippians 4:13 begins “I can do.” God wants us to have an “I can do” attitude.

Do you have a “can do” attitude or a “can’t do” attitude?

I hope you don’t have an “elephant attitude.” Christian management consultant Bobb Biehl tells of being invited by a friend to go work in a circus for a day. He did what many dream of and “joined the circus” for that day.

They flew to Tucson, Arizona. For a day, they moved props from one of the three rings to the next, and helped in any other way they could.

During one of the breaks Bobb chatted with a man who trains animals for Hollywood movies. He asked him, “How is it that you can stake down a ten-ton elephant with the same size stake that you use for this little fellow?”

In fact, they could easily pull up those stakes. Grown elephants can easily lift a ton with their trunk. But they don’t pull up the stakes. Bobb asked why?

The animal trainer explained that the reason they don’t do so is because when they are small they are tied with a heavy iron chain to a stake that they can’t possibly move. The baby elephant pulls and tugs and heaves and struggles, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t get loose. Finally, after reaching a point of physical and mental exhaustion, he stops trying. And he never tries again.

Thus, even when fully-grown and fully capable of getting away, an elephant will stay tied to a small stake, because having an elephant memory, he has stopped trying. His “I can do it” attitude has changed to an “I can’t do it” attitude. Because he believes he can’t do it, he doesn’t even try.[1]

Too often we fill our minds with thoughts of our limitations and what we cannot do. We review our:

• failures

• hampered background

• handicaps

• mistakes

• blunders

• faults

• poor grades

• losses

We feel that we can’t do what needs to be done to succeed. We allow our failings to drive a mental stake in our mind that keeps us from achieving all God meant for us to be.

While we might have an “elephant attitude,” God wants us to have an “I can do it” attitude, a victory attitude.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV)

There is a Biblical word for the right attitude: FAITH.

“What is faith? It is the confident assurance that something we want is going to happen.”(Hebrews 11:1a TLB)

Faith means:

Trusting that great things are possible through the power of God in youBelieving in a dream even when it is hard to believeTugging at the stake without ever giving up

Some might say, “But I’m just not a faith-filled person.” If so, you’d better adjust your attitude, because Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith it is impossible to please God…”

Without an attitude of faith—an “I can do it” attitude, we simply cannot please God. To please Him, you and I MUST cultivate a positive attitude.

The attitude of a winner is “I can do it.”

2. An “I Can Do Everything” Attitude

The Apostle Paul was led to write “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13 NIV)

The word “everything” needs clarification. Does everything mean absolutely “anything?”

A.  “Everything” means everything that is right.

Our efforts must be ethical and moral.

Scripture says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31b NIV)

The question is not just “Who can be against us” but, “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

If the Lord is for you, then you can do it! If He is not, because what you are trying to do is wrong, then you are in trouble. It must be right.

Make sure God is for you!

But how do you know if the Lord is for you? The way to know if the Lord is for you, is to do things that you know from the Word of God are the will of God. If you have a hard time knowing where to look in the Bible, ask Christian leaders and mentors. Or just do a Google search for Bible verses about _____________.

Here are some questionable or “wrong” goals and the verses I found via Google search:

• Earn a lot of money just to hoard it or spend it on myself. (See Matthew 6:24; 1 Timothy 6:6-10)

• Make a name to puff myself up. (See Philippians 2:3; Proverbs 11:2; 16:5)

• Get revenge. (See 1 Peter 3:9; 1 Thessalonians 5:15; Leviticus 19:18)

B. “Everything” also means everything that is reasonable.

“Everything” doesn’t mean you can do the unreasonable. For example, I don’t believe “everything” means that:

At over 60 years old I could become a professional NBA basketball player and win the MVP award next year. Although I do love to play basketball and I can almost touch the rim (within 6 inches or so, hah).I could be elected president of the US in the next election. (A nice thought, but I don’t quite have the finances and celebrity of Donald Trump!)

Scripture warns, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” (Romans 12:3b NIV) This too is the attitude of a winner.

However, while the truth is that we can only do reasonable things, the problem usually is not that people think they can do too much. The problem is that they think they can’t do very much compared to what they really can accomplish.

Most people have their ankle tied to a little stake. They refuse to reach for the stars and try to accomplish great dreams.

Pastor and author Chuck Swindoll describes well the attitude of a winner:

This may shock you, but I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude is [what] keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.[1]

In my next article, I’ll cover the other two characteristics in the attitude of a winner.

Of course the way to make sure you never miss any post is to subscribe to my updates so they arrive each time by email. You can do so HERE.

Additional resources about related subjects on this site:

• Faith Means Acting When You Feel Inadequate

• You Can Do It!How to Tackle a Mountain-Sized Goal in Faith

• Are You Cocky or Confident?

• How to Find Confidence in a Critical World and Stay Humble

NOTE: Facebook is random. Email is reliable. Subscribe via email and you won’t miss any of my articles, podcasts or videos. You’ll also get my eBook: 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth

[1] Zig Ziglar, See You at the Top, p. 47.

[2]Bobb Biehl, Masterplanning (Nashville: Broadman and Holman, 1997), p. 2. See also John Maxwell, Your Attitude, Key to Success (San Bernardino: Here’s Life Pub., 1984), p. 166.

[3] Charles Swindoll, Strengthening Your Grip, (Word Books: Waco, 1982), p. 207.

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How To Conquer The Curse Of Comparison

How can we overcome harmful comparing?

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Years ago, I attended a leadership conference at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. It was wonderful, but I almost ruined my experience via the curse of comparison. It made me miserable.

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1a NIV)

Pastor Bill Hybels had started Willow about the same time I founded my church. But his had grown into one of the biggest and most impacting churches in the USA. I compared Hybels’ success with mine and the more I compared, the more discontent I became.

I was rotting inside as Proverbs 14:30 describes, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life; jealousy rots it away.” (TLB)

Comparison and jealousy rot us as they bring discontent, bitterness, unhappiness, depression, and anger.

I knew I needed to conquer the curse of comparison. But how could I do that?

In my recent article, How the Curse of Comparison Crushes, I showed why we often struggle with comparison.

In this article, I want to share how I began to conquer the curse of comparison:

Here’s what has helped me.

1. Rest in God’s Love

If you’re a follower of Jesus, you can see yourself through this God lens: “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1a NIV)

When I think of my Heavenly Father’s lavish love for me, comparing favorably with others doesn’t seem so important.

Thankfully, God bases His love on grace alone, not my stumbling efforts. “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit.” (Titus 3:4-5 NIV)

We can conquer the curse of comparison if we look at ourselves from God’s perspective and rest in His love.

Online ministry makes me a target for both Christians and pre-Christians. In response to my article 4 Reasons Why 90% Believe God Exists, (reposted by permission on ChurchLeaders) one apparent unbeliever commented, “My heart bleeds for the shallowness of your intellect.” Wow!

In response to my article on Warning – Stay Out of The Shack, one Christian admonished me to “Grow up.” Another commented “With all due respect you must be so clueless of the spirit realm.” Wow!

It’s good to know that my Heavenly Father loves me without reservation! I rest in His love.

2.  Use but Don’t Abuse Criticism

Criticism is like dynamite—it can do great harm or great good. Some use dynamite to blast away rock for gold mining. But suicide bombers put it in backpacks to kill people.

For several years, I was in a speakers’ club called Toastmasters. To improve as much as possible, at each club meeting we evaluated all who participated: all speakers, the program director, the evaluators and the chief evaluator. We shared both areas done well and things that needed to be improved. The result was major improvement.

Yet I have found two problems with criticism:

Allowing criticism to devastate me.

At times, I have allowed someone’s criticism to send me into despair.

However, I’m learning to apply the wisdom of Proverbs, “With his mouth the godless man destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge and superior discernment shall the righteous be delivered.”(Proverbs 11:9 AMP)

When criticized, the right attitude is to learn from it, without letting it devastate me. The Apostle Paul set this example, “My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead.” (Philippians 3:13b CEV)

Using criticism to devastate others.

“Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another, but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Romans 14:13 AMP)

Psychologist Arch Hart tells of a father who admitted telling his twelve-year-old son at least once a day that he would never amount to anything. He hoped that his son would rise up to prove him wrong. But the opposite happened. His son believed him and turned into a dropout and a drug addict. That father neglected the warning of Ephesians 6:4 which says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.”

On the other hand, Pastor Andy Stanley is the highly-successful son of well-known author, radio and TV pastor Charles Stanley. Andy wrote in his book Visioneering: 

In many ways I feel I am the product of the vision my father cast for me as a child. Early on he would say to me, ‘Andy, God has something very special for your life. He is going to use you in a great way.’ His words found their way into my heart. The most significant visions are not cast by great orators from a stage. They are cast at the bedsides of our children.

Harvard Business Review[1] found that in high performing work teams, there were 5.6 positive comments for every negative comment. Medium performance teams averaged 1.9 and low-performing teams averaged .36. That’s 3 negatives to 1 positive.

With my family, I’ve tried to remember this six to one ratio. This doesn’t come naturally to me, so I put a note in my daily “to-do” list to remind me to practice this 6:1 ratio.

3.  Make Pleasing Jesus the Bottom Line

To me, this is key.

The Apostle Paul emphasized this in this strong warning of Galatians 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I am trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Many other passages affirm this simple overall goal of pleasing Jesus. For example, 1 Thessalonians 2:4b says, “Our purpose is to please God, not people.” (NLT)

2 Corinthians 10:13 says, “Our goal is to measure up to God’s plan for us.” (TLB)

I’ve found that the more I focus on pleasing God, the more secure I feel. I don’t worry as much about what others think of me, or how I can impress them. I’ve become less preoccupied with trying to feel good about myself. That seems to happen automatically when I focus on pleasing my Heavenly Father.

Making people happy with me can be impossible. Being happy with myself can also be challenging. Thankfully, I only need to please one Person—the One who loves me with a perfect love, no matter how I stack up to others.

Additional resources about related subjects on this site:

• How to Avoid Comparison in a World Filled with It

• How Reluctant Leaders Become Confident Achievers for God

• What is the Worst Sin in the World?How the Curse of Comparison Crushes

• Why Christians Can be Confident in Crushing Circumstances

• You Can Do It!

NOTE: Facebook is random. Email is reliable. Subscribe via email and you won’t miss any of my articles, podcasts or videos. You’ll also get my eBook: 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth

[1] https://hbr.org/2013/03/the-ideal-praise-to-criticism

How The Curse Of Comparison Crushes

The world is full of comparisons—what’s the problem?

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Life is full of the curse of comparison, but often comparison crushes. Did you watch “American Idol” (or as I like to call it “American Idolatry”)? Generally, I liked the show and Carolyn was a big fan. But sometimes it could be brutal. Especially early in each season when performers thought they were being brought to the next level because they were talented. In fact, they were being set up to be rather viciously mocked and humiliated by Simon and others.

One time our family went to a Madame Tussauds Wax Museum where they had an “American Idol” singing venue. I sang “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” The mechanical Simon said it was “amazing.” Then he added “amazingly awful.”

That was funny. Our boys loved laughing and mocking me with Simon. But often comparison isn’t funny. In fact, it can be highly demoralizing. Comparison crushes.

Have you experienced how comparison crushes? Maybe you were judged:

• Too slow

• Too dumb

• Too ugly

• Too awkward

• Too serious

I’ve compared my talents, income, IQ, popularity, home, career, success, children, even my spirituality, and felt like a loser on most all counts.

Why do I subject myself to the pain of comparison? The same reason you do. It is human nature to compare—a temptation that is part of the Curse; it’s the curse of comparison. And comparison crushes.

God’s Word says: “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.” (Galatians 6:4 NLT)

How Comparison Crushes

I’ve seen three major problems when I compare:

1. When I Compare, I Live in Discontent

When I compare, I rot inside just like Proverbs 14:30 describes, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life; jealousy rots it away.” (TLB)

Comparison and jealousy rot us as they bring discontent, bitterness, unhappiness, depression, and anger.

I’ve found that to be joyful, I must do as Hebrews 13:5 instructs, “…be content with what you have…” (NIV)

King Saul went bonkers with comparison and jealousy. In those days, people expected their king to lead his army into battle. Saul should have been the one to fight Goliath, but instead he let a young shepherd named David face the giant.

When David defeated Goliath, the Israelites routed the Philistines. Then “The women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul with singing and dancing, with joyful songs and with tambourines and lutes. As they danced, they sang: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.’ Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him. And from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David” (1 Samuel 18:6b-9).

We don’t know the melody of this song, but we can guess what it sounded like to Saul. It sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard. Like “na, na, na, na, na, na.” This comparison nearly drove him insane. For the rest of his life Saul chased David, trying to murder him.

David was one of the best things that ever happened to Saul. Yet jealous comparison drove him to near insanity.

Comparison crushes!

2. When I Compare, I Usually Major on Minors 

When we compare, we usually compare unimportant items of fortune, fame and physical features. If someone has all three, we almost see them as gods.

A tourist visiting Beverly Hills went into a drugstore to buy an ice cream cone. Unexpectedly, in walked the movie star, Paul Newman, who got in line right behind her. The woman was star struck, but she was determined to keep her composure and “be cool.”

She ordered her ice cream cone, paid for it, and then exited the drug store.

However, when outside, she realized she wasn’t holding her ice cream cone.

After waiting a moment to gain composure, she went back to get it. However, she found that the little round holder on the counter was empty. Perplexed, she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Turning around, Paul Newman said, “Excuse me, but if you’re looking for your ice cream cone, you put it in your purse!”

While I laugh at the woman, I’ve had to admit my own celebrity-itis. Years ago, I stopped looking at People magazine, because I was lusting. It wasn’t sexual lust, but lust over the fame, fortune and features of the celebrities in the glossy photos and articles. When I compared them to me, I became dissatisfied and ungrateful.

The Lord warns against an overemphasis on these three minors:

Fortune.

“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10)

While not condemning wealth, Scripture cautions, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5)

Fame.

We seem to think that notoriety equals value. Many even admire outlaws of the Old West and gangsters of the 1930’s simply because of their renown—certainly it’s not because of their character, godliness or contributions to society!

When we honor celebrity above Christlikeness, we become like those Jesus condemned in John 12:43, “…for they loved praise from men more than praise from God.”

Fame must not be our goal. In fact, Jesus clearly warned, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you.” (Luke 6:26a)

Proverbs gives this solution, “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the LORD, you are safe.” (Proverbs 29:25 GN)

Features.

We look at gorgeous and handsome celebrities and then look in the mirror and ask, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

The mirror responds, “It sure ain’t you!”

We need to remember David’s exclamation, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”(Psalm 139:13-14a)

God oversaw the formation of our nose, eyes, ears, height, natural size and shape. He chose the color of our hair, skin and eyes. All these were fashioned by our loving Heavenly Father and He thinks we are gorgeous just how He designed us!

Carolyn and I have three sons. After the birth of our middle son, my sister called to congratulate us and asked what he looked like. I candidly responded that he looked a lot like Yoda from Star Wars. He had a wrinkled round face with big ears and a mostly bald head with hairs sticking out here and there.

To anyone else, he probably looked homely and funny. But to his parents, he was beautiful! Likewise, our Heavenly Father thinks we look terrific just the way He made us. Who are we to disagree?

3. When I Compare, I Always Lose

When I compare, I lose, whether I come up on the long or short end. There’s no winning with comparison:

If I think I’m better, I become arrogant.

It’s good to excel. Yet, if we compare our accomplishments to others, we may conclude that we’re better. That often leads to pride.

The Scripture warns us that, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”(Proverbs 16:18) And, “People who are proud will soon be disgraced. It is wiser to be modest.”(Proverbs 11:2 GN)

Once again, comparison crushes.

I love to play basketball for recreation and exercise. But my strong temptation is to be prideful if I win and bummed if my team loses. Therefore, I’ve benefited from the advice of legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden. He instructed his players not to be so concerned with the score of a game—which he considered a distraction.

Instead, he insisted that the only important thing was that they play to the best of their ability. He writes in his book Wooden, “Did I win? Did I lose? Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is; did I make my best effort? That’s what matters. The rest of it just gets in the way.”

The result was incredible success—ten NCAA championships in 12 years, including seven in a row. Amazing.

On the other hand, if I think I’m worse, I often become despondent.

Because of my many failures, I’ve often felt inferior and unacceptable. If I dwell on these experiences, I can get depressed. In this way also, comparison crushes.

This is both painful and unbiblical. Galatians 6:4-5 says, “Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

God says that I should look at myself, not others. The only thing that matters is that I do my best to serve God in a godly way. What others do is between them and God.

Note in this verse that we can have a sense of proper pride based on our own potential, not on comparison with others. Our pride should come from godly qualities, like biblical obedience, love, and service for Christ.

Check out my next article for tips on how to overcome the curse of comparison.

Additional resources about related subjects on this site:

• How to Survive Rejection and Find Acceptance Today

• Having Just One Person to Please Brings Peace

• How to Find Confidence in a Critical World and Stay Humble

• 6 Strategies to Handle Insults Without Becoming a Doormat

• How to be Big in God’s Kingdom When You Feel Small

• Video vlog: Have You Been Pecked At?

NOTE: Facebook is random. Email is reliable. Subscribe via email and you won’t miss any of my articles, podcasts or videos. You’ll also get my eBook: 10 Prayers to Unlock Heaven on Earth