Be careful of this subtle trap.
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A little porn will NOT help your marriage. Recently I was talking with a pastor of a church plant. He said that one of the issues people in his church are struggling with is porn. That’s no surprise. But what’s surprising is that one of their major excuses is it enhances their marital sex life.
Perhaps you’ve wondered the same thing. Maybe you’ve given it a try and it seemed to spice things up a bit. If you think so, be careful, the thrill won’t last long. You’ve bought into a false bill of goods.
Here are 5 reasons porn will NOT help your marriage:
1. Porn is a cheap substitute for God’s gift.
Sex is not dirty! Hugh Hefner didn’t invent it—God invented sex. He even commanded it, within marriage. The Bible speaks clearly that a husband and wife are not to withhold themselves from each other:
“A wife belongs to her husband instead of to herself, and a husband belongs to his wife instead of to himself. So don’t refuse sex to each other, unless you agree not to have sex for a little while, in order to spend time in prayer. Then Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:4-5 CEV)
My mom almost never talked about sexual issues. But soon after Carolyn and I were married, one day out-of-the-blue she asked me, “How do you like having a bed buddy?” I was taken back, but happy that she affirmed “the marriage bed” just as Scripture does (Hebrews 13:4).
“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV)
So God is not against sex—He’s 100% FOR it, in the right context.
Pornography, and especially porn with masturbation, is a cheap substitute for God’s ideal.
Don’t settle for cheap substitutes. Enjoy the gift God has given for marriage!
2. Porn is a form of cheating, even if your spouse agrees to it.
Due to the sensitive nature of sexual relations, I haven’t asked people. But here’s my hunch: if you’re getting turned on by pornography, you’re not getting gratification from your spouse.
Marriage vows promise that our sexual joy will come from our one-and-only—right? If you don’t think so, just ask your spouse if he/she wants you to get satisfaction elsewhere. (If the answer is “yes” you’re in trouble.)
So even if your spouse allows some amount of porn, the question is what’s that doing to your mind? Where’s your sexual fulfillment coming from—your spouse or someone else? If someone else, what’s that likely to do to your marriage?
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT)
3. Creepy Comparison.
No one’s body is a “10.” Those only exist in edited videos, images and fantasies.
Who wants to compete with non-existent fantasized perfection? Yet that is what results with the creepy comparison against daydreamed images in pornography.
And if we compare, who will we want? And who will we be unsatisfied with? A little porn will NOT help your marriage—it will cause discontent.
Jesus spoke in the strongest of terms about lust: “So if your eye–even your good eye–causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.” (Matthew 5:29 NLT)
4. The addictive nature of porn.
Porn gives people a buzz, like a drug. Of course, the intensity of the thrill depends on the person. That buzz can be addictive for some. And like many addictions, there’s a law of diminishing returns. What was enough for a thrill yesterday, isn’t enough today. It takes something more. The final results can be tragic.
I have a friend who’s been married for many years. A few years ago the police showed up at his beautiful home unannounced. They put him under arrest and took him to the police station in handcuffs. What had happened? They’d traced child pornography to his computer. His wife was completely unaware. They’re both Christians. It was a horrible experience!
After trial, financial penalties, doing the time and recovery therapy, he’s doing better now. But what a tragedy, that could have been avoided.
What had happened? The addictive nature of porn. A little pornography can be a gateway to the worst perversion. Don’t even get started! Porn will NOT help your marriage.
“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8 NLT)
5. Guilt.
The final reason porn will NOT help your marriage is the guilt that naturally comes with it.
“But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28 NLT)
Does that verse make you feel guilty? If so, good! You’re supposed to feel guilty when you lust after someone other than your one-and-only.
But Jesus didn’t want us to feel guilty just so we’d beat ourselves us. He wanted us to be motivated to turn from lust and be guilt-free. Why was Jesus so strict? To spare you all kinds of pain: guilt, shame, adultery, divorce, illegal porn, child molestation, etc.
Maybe you don’t feel guilty. If so, I’d suggest that you are living in denial and potentially headed for a train wreck of misery.
Worse yet, if you’re not a born again Christian, you’re lost for eternity. To learn how to be saved, please see my salvation page.
Conclusion: A little porn will NOT help your marriage . In fact, it is dangerous, even if your spouse consents, even in a porn saturated society, even if you don’t feel much guilt. Be careful! Flee!
For more biblical advice and insight on how to deal with cope with pornography, check out my articles and podcasts:
Podcast: How can I overcome pornography?
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